As I said I have gone home yesterday evening back to Manchester. I was speaking tonight to my dad about my future and where I was intending on going next year etc how much it was going to cost etc and what I was going to do about it all. Let's just say this conversation was the straw that broke the camels back. I am stressed out over portfolios, projects, relationships, trying to be sociable, finding a job, trying to get onto a course, trying to rent out my flat, having no food in the flat and my friend arrive promptly at 4pm Friday to stay for the weekend. Oh and,...money. I still haven't received my alg support and am needing it desperately. I have no savings to fall back onto and can't ask for more money from home so promptly need a job. However I have no time for a job as I have to do everything that I do to take care of myself like shopping,cooking,cleaning and working on all my portfolio stuff for interviews. I actually have no portfolio for my interviews as of yet and so will have to buy one but fall into the problem yet again of being strapped for cash. Oh the never ending cycle!!!
As for next year I dont know how I am going to afford it and if I will get in and where I am going to live! I need to just collapse in a big heap and cry!!! Can't do that I have too much to do! ok so
Let's try and do something posatibenlike go to an exhibition,...can't do that have too
Much to do and not money to go! Kill Me!!!!
Ok let's speak to your
Friends that's fun. So go into college and speak them and say hey guys what's up. They all subsequently all burst into tears or look like they want to cry and or go
On about how terrible they all feel and the stress that they are under and how they thought this year was going to be fun and demanding but not completely
Take per their lives and make them depressed
And exhausted!!! I try to put a posative spin on things but it doesn't work. This has happened every day for the last 3 weeks. It making me re evaluate everything about next year. I am now saying do I want to do this and I know I love what I'm sound and that I want to do it as a career and I know that going to school down here will give me the best oppertunities but now it's a case of do I want to do this or is it something I know I have to do?!?! My mym keeps saying to me that I am an idiot and should come home. She did the same thing when she was my age except she was only an hour away and said that I was making it far too hard for myself. I know Shea right and if I had stayed in Manchester I would most likely be enjoying life a lot more now but I think coming down here has made me grow up in a lot of different ways than I think I would have done if I had stayed close to home. I love working although at the moment I ambeing extremely artistically challenged and I know this is what object to do to reach where I want to reach. I just need to keep sight of this. I honk anyone who reads this post and is having the same problems should try to find some inner strength to carry on with their passion nonmater how hard it is and no matter how upset you feel as long as you know that if you push through it you will find what you ate looking for at the other side no matter what stands in your way xxx
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